She writes love on her arm

She turned seventeen days ago, she's so fragile and sweet,

but in the darkness she felt alone, abandoned and beat.

On the ground she found a piece of glass to cut through the pain.

Girl, who had never felt this love, but she'd never complain,

On the back of her hand she wrote her name just to remind

herself the word stuck in her throat, but lost in her dark mind.

She turned eighteen just days ago, finding strength in her scars,

They say in this year she has grown to like the falling stars - 

She wants to escape and be free, like stars above her head,

Knowing that she will never be like them sitting on sled.

With long sleeves and her mouth kept shut, she hides behind cigars,

when she looks for a place to cut between her healing scars.

So she writes it down

Before she will drown

So she writes it down

Or she will drown

Once again she picks up the knife, 

Ready to give up her whole life.

Looking around she finds no one,

Seeing yet again darkness won.

She writes love on her arms

She writes love on her arms

She turned nineteen just days ago, having a newfound friend, 

and every scar he wants to know so at last he can mend

her broken heart, her broken soul she so carefully broke.

He tries to put her back to whole, breathes in the stuffy smoke,
Silently he gives her his strength - all he has to offer,
And always stays at her arm's length, hoping she won't suffer.

She turned twenty just days ago, finally in new place,
But her healing is still so slow without seeing his face.
Once again she feels so alone just like she did before,
she needs something to call her own, but for now she is sore.
The razor cuts deep through her skin, her blood causing harm,
even her friend so far has been, his name is on her arm.

So she writes it down
Before she will drown
So she writes it down
Or she will drown

Finally she picks up the knife
Ready to give up her whole life
Looking around she finds no one
Seeing yet again darkness won
She writes love on her arms
She writes love on her arms

She turned twenty one days ago, now crying out her heart
'Cause her best friend almost let go, when they were far apart.
At fixing her he was so good, because he was the same,
Alone he did the best he could, at last wrote down her name,
Forever engraved on his skin, he almost lost his life.
But as suicide is a sin, he put down his last knife.

So they write it down
Before they will drown
So they write it down
Or they will drown

Finally he picks up the knife
Ready to give up his whole life
Looking around he finds no one
Seeing yet again darkness won
He writes love on his arms
He writes love on his arms

She will turn twenty two in days, for once she is at ease,
She still feels stuck in her own maze, he is down on his knees.
Begging her to stop, and she did, for him she'd do it all,
If only he'd know how she feels, how long it took to fall,
She is in love, but he won't know - she will never tell him,
She knows she has to let him go, fade sparkle back to dim.

He saved her and destroyed her
He saved her and destroyed her

He won't go just yet
She will pay her debt
He won't go just yet
Some love she will get

Finally she puts down the knife
Ready to live up her whole life
Looking around she finds someone
Seeing for once the light has won
She writes love on his heart
He writes love on her heart

He won't go just yet
She will pay her debt
He won't go just yet
Some love she will get

He saved her and destroyed her
She saved him and destroyed him
He saved her and destroyed her
She saved him and destroyed him

2014/09/26

Kuid teie mitte...

Taas on mälestused toonud mu siia tagasi,

jälle sammun seda teed, mäletan, kuhu see viib,

mets - me unistuste maa; me ammune silmapiir -

see lagunenud talumaja ja katkine kiik,

vaade lööb südamest läbi kui mürgitatud piik,

sest nüüdseks on kõik mu sõbrad liikunud edasi.

Vaid mina mitte...

Seal kuuskede taga pink, palliplatsi ääres,

kahe puu vahel, sirelite keskel on värav,

kui palli sinna lüüa, meil silm alati säras...

Mäletate veel seda aega, kui olime väiksed,

kui nali, naer ja muretus meie päevi täitsid?

Ja päike vaid meie rõõmuks taevavõlvil veeres...

Ka mina mitte...

Meie unistused lendasid avaras taevas,

terve maailm oli lahti me ees, me mängumaa.

Kuid siis tuli murdepunkt, otsuse tegite taas -

Mina, kui kõige haavatavam lüli, kaotasin kõik,

mu murdsite maha, mu kaotus oli teie võit.

Ka viimne kord kui olime koos, kuulsin teid naermas...

Kuid mina mitte...

Siin hüljatud kohas me kunagine õnn lasub,

kuulsin te uutest sõpradest - paremad kui mina -

ja kõrgel taevas on tagasi see helkiv sina.

Viha, mis juhib mind, muutis mu nii tundetuks siis,

kui ükskord hüljatuna minema ma läksin siit.

Võib-olla teil tagasi tulla mõnikord tasub....

Kuid minul mitte...

Kuid jälle olen tagasi siin, sest tahan tunda

ja puutuda seda õnne, mis on mu minevik,

sest tean, et üksilduses möödub minu tulevik.

Mu rõõmu varjutab hüljatus - lakkamatu nutt,

ometi tean, et see on mu paratamatu hukk -

Olen liiga haavatud, et sellest välja tulla...

Kuid teie mitte...

2014/09/10

Tuled nii kaugelt, juuksed lehvivad tuules.
Oled nii ilus sa, su häält ma kuulen.

Vaatan su figuuri, mu süda lööb kui segane,
kuulen su häält kutsumas, minuga räägivad tuuled.

Lähened sina, vaadates näen juba su silmi,
mõõdub minust keegi, liiguvad su huuled.

Sa naeratad nii ilusalt, su silmad säravad.
Meetri kaugusel oled, juba puhuvad tuuled.

Sind ootab siin Liina, vaatab sulle silma.
Kas on see ilmsi, et kohtusid me huuled ?

18.02.2010

Jenny and Jethro

It was like a fairytale - once upon a time
Paris was a place, we were so crazy in love.
Out of the blue something happened to our love,
I had to leave Paris - we had crossed the line.

I left you for a better job, I chose my head,
beause my heart would have chosen you, always you.
Since that second night in Marseille, I wanted you.
In the end it came down to things you never said.

If you really loved me, you would have said it:
"Jen, my dear, I do love you, please don't ever leave."
I don't know why, but you were unable to feel.
In my heart there still is fire, that once was lit..

There are days, when I wish, I had never met you.
Honey, you never fit into my five-point-plan,
it's not about having kids or finding a man.
I wrote our end in a love letter: "Dear Jethro".

For six years I missed your voice, your silver hair,
in the mornings I wanted you in my bed.
No, Jehtro, you never really left my head.
Trust me, I tried, telling myself I do not care.

I thought "Dear John" letter in Paris was the end
and when director's office was finally mine,
I really thought we were going to be just fine.
But the thought crashed the moment we met again.

Paris flashed in my eyes, I know you saw it too,
but everything had changed - we are not the same.
I saw anger in your eyes, as you said my name.
I replied knowing, I am still not over you.

But somehow we became friends - almost like before -
late dinners and flirting, but not crossing the line.
Explosions and kidnappings - we ran out of time.
Your past came out and you left. You and me - no more.

You returned, when I was finally back on track
I got closer to Benouit, but further from you.
We fought not only about our past, but present too.
But I had to kill him, you already knew that.

After that we were beyond repair - we were done.
Hatred was back in your eyes, when I fought fate.
Will is dead, Svetlana is back - I set the date.
I blinked, tried to keep you safe and then I was gone.

The last thing on my mind, when I was shot, was you.
Hatred became guilt, but I never wanted that.
Now I'm just one of your ghosts, never coming back.
Unfinished letter held words - Jethro I love you..

I wish I had one more day with you in Paris
I wish you had made me stay and I never left.
When you took my heart, it was nothing but a theft.
Tell me what if? Dear Jethro, would we be married?

You never looked at my dead body  so pale and cold.
Now we are in different worlds, but it is fine.
Shannon will always have you, you were never mine.
It breaks my hears as you move on with words untold.

2013/12/05

Unwanted

Unwanted

When she heard your heart beat, I think she felt regret.
She felt like she was cheap and to him you were threat.
From the first breath you took, through the first step you made
to the time you did look - and felt. You are betrayed.

Love did not bring you here - you have been a mistake.
Yes, you will shed some tears, at nights feel too much hate,
your blood never felt love towards you, you love child,
if you could rise above, and just once - you smiled.

You put your hate in words, try to let go this pain,
but everything still hurts. Now you wait for the rain.
You close your eyes and cry, really losing yourself,
once again you ask why this pain is on your shelf..

You are glued to this place and running is not right,
but leave without trace, go through the darkest night,
walk through the dark blue sea, go past the oldest tree,
run until you are free - that you will never be.

Shadow will always come and take away your joy.
You feel like you are numb, because you are destroyed
Mother who wanted him, father who you don't know -
you have been on the brim they told you "no".

They tried to bring you down, took away all you had,
made sure you make no sound as you told you are sad.
In silence you gave your strength, so you can rise again,
plan always at arm's length you try to break the chain.

Every time you look back to the days you were child,
happy thoughts you still lack, but the time you smiled
seems like sunshine in dark cells of your childhood.
Not a walk in a park, but you found something good.

Many years have gone by and your scars are still here,
you just wanna say bye to angry voice you hear.
Honey, you will always be scared and haunted
because since the first day, you have been unwanted.

2014/05/07

Ruins..

You told me once - don't let him ruin you. Don't let it be the end of you. What you didn't know is, that my ruins will always lie at hsi feet. The remains of me - of us - will always lie there, locked in a box in his hands. Memories of our safe childhood will keep us tight with him, even though we wish we could let it go. More than anything...

L.
2013/12/02

When she left, knowing that they'll never meet again, she didn't know about the trick faith had for them. But 3 years of constant fighting and hatred didn't bring peace or accptance, it didn't melt the ice, but it gave a chance to say goodbye. In a way it was closure.

2013/12/03

Ma ei saa õelda, et see oli ootamatu. Ma olin seda teadnud juba mõnda aega. Võimalik, et ma proovisin sulle õelda, aga ma ei olnud valmis. Aga millal sa oled valmis kaotama oma parimat sõpra? Sa ei olegi... Ja seal, kus mu sõnad ebaõnnestusid, tuli mängu kirjakeel, mis õnneks ei anna võimalust loobuda.

Viha ja pettumus

Viha, pettumust sulle tekitan,
ainult hääbudes rõõmu lekitan.
Jälle vihastad, murdub sisemus,
vaikselt tekitan sinus isekust.
Terve hommiku ennast harjutan,
raevu kartuses ennast varjutan.
Viha, pettumust sulle tekitan.

Ema raevukus tema pimestas
iga päevaga rohkem imestas.
Sõnu korrates jälle seisatas,
vaatas tagasi, korra hõisates.
Tütres pettumust ootas emagi,
viha ärritas mitte kedagi.
Ema raevukus tema pimestas.

2.veebruar 2010